MARGIT MUELLER-MERKEY'S PERSONAL STORY
26 November 2010
I never thought I was loved by my father growing up. It took many years until recently before I came to that realization and eventually it was through this Marvelous Work and a Wonder® (MWAW) that I realized he did love me.
I was a very rebellious youth. I was a middle child having an older and younger brother. I was like in a sandwich as a child. I was never happy being a girl. As a child I was very depressed. My father and I had always fights since I was twelve. He expected me to behave like a girl especially as I was his only daughter. When I was seventeen I moved out of home and had a relationship with a man that was eighteen years older than me and this upset my father a lot. My father knew the man and thought he had nothing good for me. So he exercised very strong discipline against me trying to keep me home and it didn't work for him or for me.
When I was eighteen he visited me and this man in a bar and talked with this older boyfriend of mine which opened my eyes a lot to this man I was having a relationship with. He started saying things to my dad which was totally opposite to what he would tell me. That yes he was using me. My father wanted me to come home that night but I was so confused that I wanted to talk to my lover because I didn't want to believe the difference in the two conversations. I didn't sleep much that night and I realized my dad was right and next morning I went home. This was the first time my dad was a teacher for me in the way he changed from his normal behavior in a way he could reach me. I still continued to have problems with him over the years. At the time of finding this MWAW® I was 49 years old. So a long time to be in this situation.
Now I realize through this work that my ego was a lot in my way to understand how much my dad really loved me and wanted the best for me. Through reading the 666 Mark of America Seat of the beast book and the Human Reality book I got so much peace in myself that I can acknowledge this now and be good with it.
I grew up in Germany and was not very proud of this as I had always a problem with the history of Germany. For sure they made me feel guilty in school for what happened before I was even born. As Germany was the cause of two world wars.
The good thing about school was in the way they presented this to me. Also I learned that we are not the only human race that did this to other humans. I learned that there are a lot of "civilized" countries in this world that had done the same or even worse, see the history of America and it's treatment of the native people who had populated this continent for thousands of years before the white man.
What I took out of this teaching for myself is that we are all humans and should be equal. Which is why the Human Reality, book made sense to me.
It helped me with the guilt and anger I had for years within me to every man. I now realize this was totally senseless way of living. I am now in a relationship with someone who has no judgment of me that I am very comfortable with. It feels right to me where I have a trusting and open relationship and don't have to be married.
I have been married three times. My husband's always seemed to have the power to do whatever they wanted and it seemed to me that my power was limited and so I was full of judgment and anger.
Now I have learned to know from this work that I gave my power up to another human being who is just as equal to me and me to them and yet I was in fear of them. Now I don't feel fear anymore.
After I left my first marriage I was up to learn about myself and I started to be exited who I am! It's been a long journey and it is not over yet but I'm having much more peace within myself. I allow myself to grow in my own time. When I'm ready for more I know there will be more option for me.
I needed to sell my house as I was getting a divorce from my second husband. I contacted a realtor who I thought could sell my house quickly. He listed my property and once per week I was invited to his house for dinner. At those times he talked with me about the Mormon church. He told me he was a bishop in the Mormon church and that he couldn't sell my property unless I got baptized into the LDS church.
Then I tried all kinds of excuses to get out of that. He introduced me to the missionaries one of them who was German. I told them that I couldn't get baptized as I was smoking cigarettes and then when this didn't work, I told the German missionary who was part of the companionship that I had an abortion and that I couldn't join the church because of this. So he brought me to the missionary President because he believed the same thing that I couldn't join the church as I had committed murder by having an abortion.
So when I came to the mission president I told him that he wasn't able to judge me as much as I was able to judge myself for what I had done. And that I would only accept a punishment from Jesus Christ for what I had done. And nobody else had the right to do or say anything to what I have done. And he told me I was right. And he also told me I could be part of the Mormon church and could be baptized. So I joined the LDS church and the realtor Bishop ended up selling my home.
I read the book of Mormon. I found some truth in it. But some things in book of Mormon made no sense to me either. What absolutely didn't make sense to me in the church was fact that man could have the priesthood and that women couldn't . And that man would have multiple wives in the Celestial kingdom and it didn't make sense to me that God wouldn't allow this on earth but would do so in heaven. W here are my rights I thought? It didn't make sense that the man calls me from the grave for the resurrection.
I didn't like the arrogance about how the members gloated in testimony meeting and talks about how the members had the book of Mormon and priesthood and ordinances and no one else hadn't in the world and how they were all blessed and chosen to be born into the covenant for those who were born into the church. One woman in our ward said to everyone that they are so blessed to have the book of Mormon and pearl of Great Price and Doctrine and Covenants and that those poor people out in the world that wasn't in the LDS church would suffer by not being in the Celestial kingdom.
I told her that arrogance would be the fall of human kind.
I was ready to leave the LDS church and did so in early 2009. The main reason for leaving was that I realized they didn't live their own gospel. They were judgmental just like myself and they had Christ's teachings but didn't live them and didn't accept people living outside of marriage or gay people.
One of the best things that happened to me was to have the opportunity to meet Christopher in summer of 2009 at the Salt Lake City library. I could feel the love he has for each one of us and I felt for the first time I'm in the right place, I'm home where I felt equal with everyone. Also I always feel the energy in the room with Christopher a lot higher, because it puts me in a state of being where I can connect with my Holy Ghost better. Maybe it's because what he says makes perfect sense. I also see sometimes the aura of people and I saw Christopher's aura that was as golden as I expected to see, when I would see Christ himself. I can for sure say that I'm not under the influence of medication or hallucinating drugs. I realize I'm just as crazy as everybody else in the world.
I know that my life is running the way it is because of me and not anyone else. I'm the only one that is responsible for what is happening in my life and no one else.
WHAT IS THE VOICE OF THE 'ONE CRYING IN THE WILDERNESS' TELLING US? Ask Him Yourself!
© 2005 A Marvelous Work and a Wonder Purpose Trust